The Unposted Letter IV

Dear I,

Hye, from the other side of the world. I hope things are well with you, with your studies and all. I'm proud that you're making the best out of your life. I know our paths were meant to diverge came that time. No matter what may have happened in the past, know that I'm happy seeing you happy over there. You deserve it all.

I was going through my friendster account, wanted to see all the ancient messages in the inbox that I haven't deleted. And among them I came across the conversations we had when you went to Indonesia to visit your family. Suddenly I found my mind jogging five years back when it all started. You and I would never have come across each other's path if it were not for our special "padang". For that, I'll always have a soft spot for that place. Do you remember how I used to teach you how to kick a ball? Left leg parallel, kicking leg 90 degrees to the ball? LOL. Those were the times. It was us, and the neighbourhood kids, though many of them are no longer around.

You might not have known this, but I've always thought highly of you. There may be times when I lacked the emotions to show it all, but I was always proud to be with you. Despite your young age, you were one of the most mature and intelligent person I've ever met. But most importantly, you sincerely cared, for me and my family. I'm sure you know how much my mum loved you, and how she had always thought of you as her own. You were as fantastic as anyone can get when it came to my siblings. I'm sure of that cause' they adored you. I hope you know that I was as fond of Louay, Cza-cza and Shah. They were the most adorable.

A year and a half have brought a plenty of wonderful memories. We went through cycles of ups and downs together. The lepaking at mamak to watch football, the "tuition from hell" at your place (haha!), the birthday you planned, the valentine's we spent together. They were among the best times of my life. I know I've done a lot of mistakes throughout, deep inside I have always regretted for not being your best. A lot of times I acted like a child, I refused to understand the situations you were in. But you were as patient as can be, and I thank you for that. I wish I could have at least been more understanding towards your needs, and I wish I could've been around when you needed me too.

I hope you can forgive me for my imperfections, for being the intolerant one most of the time. You needed somebody to guide you in times of distress, but I didn't always give the best of guidance. I know I should've let you go and be happy for you when you decided to leave, but my pride held me back. I'm sorry for all the the times I didn't treat you like a princess, you deserved a million times better. I pray that you're always well and successful wherever your feet may take you in the future. We may come from families with different values and backgrounds, but I hope you stay rooted, and always make the best out of everything regardless of the outcome. Signing off from the other side of the world, take care of yourself.

Love,

Irfan

First Finals

First finals for master's are just around the corner. By now I should feel like a veteran when it comes to exams. But I guess it's just one of those things that you'll never feel like you're prepared enough for. I think I might have to stretch the envelope further, and try to go beyond mediocrity. Maybe master's is my ticket to redemption, after falling from grace. Lol.

Thank God all the projects and presentations are over with, a little less burden off of my chest. I hope I'll do well this time. To prove my self-worth, most importantly, to myself. Quite a lot to study, in quite little time. Applied Heat Transfer, Applied Mechanics, Applied Thermodynamics, Computational Mathematics... Even the subject names sound like tongue-twisters don't they? Haha...

It's funny that I only think about updating this god-forsaken blog at times like this. Probably it's a form of therapy to me, to write and take some time off of my work. I can only digest so many correlations and numbers at a time, so cut me some slack. Haha. Anyways, to not further sound like a girl and update on every little thing, I'll be going off now...

I'll try to update the blog when I'm a little less busier.