Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The first time I saw you, the night we all had dinner, I honestly thought that I would never be good enough for someone like you. You were close to perfect. Decent, clever, mild mannered, and all things nice. And I'm flawed with God knows what. I did not plan to continue messaging you cause' I thought it just wouldn't work. But somehow we managed to continue getting to know each other. I loved all the little conversations we had. I found you very adorable and funny. Weird too, but in a good way. You're different,something about you triggered my attention.
I saw hope in you. Hope for me to be someone better, cause' you inspire me to do good. This doesn't mean that I'm not good in essence, like you said. But like I've said before, I'm trying to be a better person, and you made the mountain seem like a molehill. I adore what you do, I adore the strentgh you have in you, and I adore you. I know most of the time you think I'm just sweet talking, but that's all for you to decide. I know I mean every single word.
I know we've only gotten to know each other quite recently. I don't know any other way to say this without sounding like any other bastard who's said this to you before, but I want you to know that you mean a lot to me. And eventhough I know for a fact that you couldn't even be bothered if I'm not around tomorrow, I sincerely care about you. I'm not going to sugarcoat things cause' I know I don't have a lot to offer. Sometimes I just wish you'd have a little faith in me. It really stings when you yourself start to believe that you're not good enough for someone that matters to you.
I'm really sorry if I crossed the line with the showing of affection just now. I was just drawn to you. And I don't know when I could see you or be that way with you again. I've been thinking, it's not right for me to put you in a position where you're forced to do something.The truth is I don't even know what I mean to you. And sometimes I don't feel you even care. It's true that everything I've done for you was sincere, so please don't ever feel obliged or sorry for me.
It's been a very long time since I've cared for anyone the way I do for you. I like being with you cause' it makes me feel complete, purposeful, meaningful if you may. For a change I'd like to matter to someone too. But it shouldn't be that way unless you really mean it. I told you I don't want your pity. If you like me, I want it to be sincere. If you want me around, I want you to sincerely tell me that you want me. All I'm asking is for you to have a little bit of faith in me, bet on me as I've bet on you. I know that means you could get hurt, but just so you know, you're worth getting hurt a thousand times to me.
I'm not sure if I should disturb you for the timebeing. Who knows you might want some distance. I know you've got plenty of guys disturbing you already, all expecting your attention. And I know you'd feel smothered. So if you ever need me you know where to find me alright? Please know that I appreciate every moment that I've spent with you, and they do mean a lot.
Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf zahir dan batin. Smile always... =)
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Hye, from the other side of the world. I hope things are well with you, with your studies and all. I'm proud that you're making the best out of your life. I know our paths were meant to diverge came that time. No matter what may have happened in the past, know that I'm happy seeing you happy over there. You deserve it all.
I was going through my friendster account, wanted to see all the ancient messages in the inbox that I haven't deleted. And among them I came across the conversations we had when you went to Indonesia to visit your family. Suddenly I found my mind jogging five years back when it all started. You and I would never have come across each other's path if it were not for our special "padang". For that, I'll always have a soft spot for that place. Do you remember how I used to teach you how to kick a ball? Left leg parallel, kicking leg 90 degrees to the ball? LOL. Those were the times. It was us, and the neighbourhood kids, though many of them are no longer around.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
"Sugar", that was what I used to call you. And I was your "babes". How things have changed since then. I remember the first time I saw you. That day of registration in college. I was so mesmerized that I had to tell my friend D about you straight away. But I have to be honest, I really thought you were malay. Lol! Getting myself introduced to you was a nightmare. We were all exchanging phone numbers, but when it came to you it became awkward. I, became awkward. Lol! Do you remember the first time I texted you, but then I said it was mistakenly sent? I lied...
I was fortunate enough to be given the chance to get to know you, even when I had to go off from that place. When that two weeks ended, I had to face reality and return to earth. But I thanked God that you were still there, still around. Six months I was practically on your tail, head over heels for you, and I never regretted any moment of it. Really, I never felt that way with anyone before. And because of that I acted like a goofball, I did everything against the book. But still you treated me nice, like I really mattered. We were from two different worlds, but I guess love held us together. Friendship grew into something more wonderful, and whatever we ever shared was beautiful. I treasured everything, from coming to Titiwangsa and BSC to just see you, to the valentine's day card u made, which I still have with me.
I guess it was written that one day I was going to be the jerk who left you. The jerk who broke your heart. All along I've told myself that the reason I did that, was because I was devastated, when you told me that you were going to study abroad. And because you made it clear that there was no future for us, seeing that there was this huge barrier, concerning your parents and all. But I was wrong to have hurt you like that. Those were just stupid reasons made by a fool. I wish I could turn back time, to right my every wrong. I know we were not meant to last, but I still wish I did not hurt you the way I did.
A lot of things have changed since then. I'm happy that we've become good friends, and that you've forgotten the past. I could never ask for anything more. You were always the bigger person, I know I don't deserve the friendship that you've offered me after all the terrible things that I've done. I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, I'll be around. I could only wish to be half as great of a friend that you've been to me all this while. And I want you to know, that I'm always very sorry for all my wrongs towards you, for the times I acted like an idiot, and for the times I wasn't the guy you deserved. I hope you have a great future ahead of you, and I hope God will bless that beautiful soul of yours always.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I'm aware that you're becoming a lecturer, and I find it very inspiring that you're dedicating your life to such a noble duty. I hope everything's well, with your family and Mr. N. Maybe I wasn't so enthusiastic about the idea of him at first, but I guess nobody's perfect. The important thing is that you know he loves you, and that he will treat you no lesser than you what you deserve.
I was reminded of how our story started. Back in the place called the "Illuminated Bridge". Never had it occured in my mind that I would fall for you. Well, maybe it did, sort of. I just knew that I wanted to be around you, cause' it made me feel alive, and full of purpose everytime I was around you. And then we started to hang out more often, and one thing led to another.
I'm always thankful to have shared that part of my life with you. I think we've thought each other a lot. I know I wasn't the best of companion, and I know I did a lot of mistakes. We were two very different people, but somehow we connected really well. My only regret was that I sometimes tried to change the person that you were, when in fact I was the one who was flawed. In the end I saw what I was doing, and I decided that it shouldn't be that way. So I left, selfishly, without an explanation.
Somehow we managed to reconnect some few odd years back, and once again that bond magically reestablished. Though this time we became the closest of friends. I had such a blast when it lasted, cause' it felt like I could tell you anything. And we knew each other so well. Maybe it was fated that it had to end as well, someway or the other. I know we both didn't plan that, but under the circumstances, I understand that you made the best choice.
I would write you a thousand letters of apologies for my immature behaviour, when we were more than friends, and also when we were the closest of. Yet I think it would still not suffice. But I am truly sorry, for every time I broke your heart, for every time I said something to hurt you, for every time I didn't pay attention to what you felt, and for every time I made you feel like you were not perfect. I know now that I was wrong.
Whatever you do, and wherever your life will take you, I hope you're always well taken care of. And I wish you the most blissful of life ahead.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I had meant to write this for ages. But I've never managed to find the courage to. I had come across a letter that you once wrote to me, and it saddens me to think how it must've hurt you. When I selfishly mistreated you, and when I wasn't always there when you needed me. I know things have changed now, and I know we're all good with each other. Despite the fact that everyone from back then has been on different paths. But it still doesn't mean that I'm not sorry for not being perfect, the way you had deserved.
Do you remember, way back then when were were in high school? I never thought I'd end up with someone like you. The perfect opposite. Plus, it was all so sudden that we became close. I had competitions back then, so I naturally would've shied away, if you weren't so brave as to make it happen. What I felt with you was something all so new, and I had never experienced it with anyone before. You taught me a lot about about love, despite what everyone else thinks. I know now that you really cared. We were always fighting about every tiny bit of thing, but I realized that maybe in your own way you were trying to show that it mattered to you, that you cared.
We weren't together for long, but I treasured the moments I've had with you. I know I was the one who bailed out. Not because of the fights, but maybe I grew scared that things were becoming too serious too early. I was only a boy, not half as matured as you were. Forgive me, for the times I haven't been there to catch you when you fell. And for not being sensitive to your needs. I hope this letter finds you well, and I wish you the best for the time ahead of you.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Woke up at 6.30 a.m., the sun was already up. Took our baths, packed some clothes in my backpack and went to the mamak to have our breakfasts. Yea, they have that over there too. Haha. Then we were off to Jesselton Point, the jetty where we took our boat ride to Manukan Island. Cost us about RM17 per person to and fro. The journey to Manukan took us roughly 20 minutes.
We were pretty excited looking at the crystal clear blue water when we arrived, swimming fishes visible underneath the surface. So the first thing we did was to park ourselves at the beach, and put on some sunblock. It would've burned us if we didn't, the sun already high up. Then we geared up the snorkeling equipments and straight away swam aimlessly. Me at one end, and Zayd at the other, following schools of funny looking fishes that eventually became too friendly and bit us... Haha.
At noon we were pretty much tired already. So we decided to take a break and help ourselves with some mouthwatering lunch. Two freakin' huge burgers and two black coffees from the beach restaurant. Enough said. Dua-dua terlentang! Ooooh, and the waitresses were cun! Even more a reason to laze around longer over there. Haha. They all had this chinese, plus native, plus malay look. I was like wowwie!
After lunch we decided to explore the other side of the beach. I thought it was even more beautiful than earlier. So I figured might as well snorkel some more, what else was there to do anyhow. The fishes were different there, somewhat more colourful. I even saw sea cucumbers on the floor. But they didn't stop biting one bit, so I quit after a while. They freak me out now. Haha. Later in the evening we chilled at yet another side of the island. That side they had huge rocks near the bank. So we dried our wet clothes on the hot rocks and took some funny pictures there. Before we knew it, it was already 4 p.m., and we were leaving Manukan with heavy hearts.
Back in the city, we strolled along the coast and through more malls. Thought that we could reach the hotel on foot, but soon gave up as we were too tired. So we took a cab from halfway. We went to the same place to have dinner after cleaning up a bit. After dinner it was massage session at a place somewhere nearby, and we went back for some good night's sleep right after.
Woke up a bit later than the day before, at about 7 a.m.. We were supposed to get up earlier, cause' that day we were going to leave for Kinabalu Park in a tour van that was scheduled at 7.30 a.m.. But we managed to get ready in time, thankfully. So yea, the tour guide, Mohamad came right on time and we were off heading towards the direction of Mount Kinabalu.
The winding road lasted for more than an hour, but somehow I felt fine. Maybe because the view was magnificent. The summit of Mount Kinabalu was hiding behind the veil of white clouds, it was gorgeous. We stopped at the Nabalu Market for breakfast, and bought some souvenirs for families and friends at the market, which was designed to be a long house. After that the journey continued.
We passed the entrance of the Kinabalu Park, but Mohamad suggested that we head for the Poring Hot Springs first, since it would soon be crowded. So that was another forty minutes of winding road to cover. We finally arrived, and the first thing we did was to go for the Canopy Walk. Had to climb up hill for about twenty minutes to get to the starting point, which proved to be quite an exhausting task for unfit people like us. Haha. The experience of crossing the five canopy bridges was quite daunting, but it was a good one nontheless.
After Canopy Walk we headed towards one of the small waterfalls, which was another ten minutes walk from the base of the hill. We chilled at the waterfall for about thirty minutes, we didn't have much time to spare. But I managed to enjoy soaking myself with the cold water streaming down from the fall. Relaxing in the midst of the natural calming sound of water flowing. We had a look at the hot springs on our way back to the entrance, but that was it. Didn't feel like bathing in 'em. Then it was time for lunch right across the street.
Forty minutes heading towards the direction we came from, and we were back at the entrance of Kinabalu Park. The park is one of the two bases where climbers begin their difficult journey to the top of Mount Kinabalu. Even at the base it was already super cool, imagine up there. So we drove around the park, stopped at the visitors' centre and another spot to snap some pictures. We enjoyed the breath of fresh air for a change. At 4 p.m. we began our journey back to town.
That was pretty much Day 3. Didn't fancy doing much nonsense in the evening, so we settled for McDonald's and headed straight back to the room to chill. Watched some B rated movies they were showing and went to sleep.
This time we didn't have anything in our plans, so we woke up late. That meant 8.30 a.m.. After bath we went to have roti canai at the mamak, yet again. Then we strolled along the Api-api centre towards Plaza Warisan, finally ending up the famous Filipino Market. We made a zig-zag along the maze of gazillion stalls selling souvenirs and such, mostly pearls and handicrafts. Bought some stuffs for my mum and Cik Dian, Zayd bought a batik shirt for his dad. Then we headed back to the hotel room to pack up our stuffs, it was time to check out.
Left our bags at the concierge and went for a brief lunch and coffee at Plaza Warisan. Then straight to the airport after collecting our bags. At the airport we met a tour group from Perak. They were old schoolmates celebrating their school's anniversary, a bunch of fifty and sixty year olds. So I was told that they climbed up the Mount Kinabalu for their trip. Not everybody made it to the top, which was not a surprise. But one 68 year old did! Holy motha! Tercabar aku! Not just that, a daughter of one of the participants, an 8 year old, managed to reach the peak 2nd among the climbers! That's it, I'm definitely coming back to climb that damned mountain, I said to Zayd... Haha.
We arrived at LCCT at around 7 p.m.. Took the skybus to KL Sentral and arrived there at 8 p.m., this time we knew where to look for our bags! Haha. So Cik Dian picked us up there, with her electric blue Encik Cooper S, balik dengan penuh bergaya! Had dinner after that somewhere in Ampang. We gave her the purse we bought at the Filipino Market, and the vacation was officially over...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
We sped towards Taman Tasik Titiwangsa in her electric blue Encik Cooper S (as I call it...), arriving at 10 a.m. for the first ride. When we first saw the Zorb ball (or orb), we were like, "Oh crap! What the hell did we get ourselves into!". With all the people watching. Makciks who were jogging. Abang-abang Rempit on their bikes. God I felt ridiculous. It was explained that there were two types of rides. One dry, and the other one wet. And thanks to my goooooood friend Ms. Dian, we went for the wet one. So harnesses we strapped on, and we squeezed ourselves into the ball that was parked on a slope. There I thought "wet" meant we get to go over the lake or something. But no, they poured water into the ball! "What the...". I was temporarily happy seeing that there wasn't much water poured in to begin with, but discovered soon enough that it was actually too much to handle!!! As we were rolling down the slope, tumbling like clothes in a washing machine, water got into our noses and we couldn't even open our eyes! Then when the ball finally came to a halt, I burst out laughing... Wahahahahaha.... It was so funny. Thinking of how ridiculous we must've looked from outside, for our audiences. We were both drenched then.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I grew very furious by the time Lara had come to the end of the story. And at the same time I was angry with myself, for refusing to be there for Lisa the night before. In a way, I felt that it was partly my fault that things had turned out this way. "Lara, just stay here with her alright? I'm going to sort out some things...", I told Lara. I budged from my seat and stormed out of the room. The next thing I know I was shifting away in my Miata towards Joe's place. Lisa had told me once where he lived. It was about quarter pass eight when I reached the brownish flat of his. I straight away climbed up the stairs to the fifth floor, since I had no intention of resorting to the sluggish elevator. The door that I kicked swung open, and Joe appeared shocked due to the sudden intrusion. I made him eat his own profanity when I threw the first jab on his face. He tried to put up a fight, but somehow in that demonic state I had outpowered him. The third blow to his temple had sent him down to the floor, leaving messy stains of red fluid all over. Even my clenched fist was smeared with the same fluid. I finally came to my senses when he begged me to stop, already cornered between the walls of his kitchen. "Don't you dare come near Lisa and her mother again! Or I swear this won't be the end of it...", I yelled at him. Then I turned away to leave.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Sometimes I keep asking myself, why do we let other people define our happiness? Shouldn't we be the judge of that? And why do we always want more, when we don't even appreciate what we already have in the first place? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I haven't been guilty of all that. I'm just trying to understand the psychological side of it, since all of my 23 years of life I've been having to succumb to this dogma created by the world around me.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
yes, that's Juliana Evans!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
p/s: To the girl who was in gold, you looked lovely this evening... =)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Frankly speaking, waking up as early as 6 a.m. on weekends to start work wasn't really how I planned to start the holidays. But they say there's only so much you can plan. Clash of time meant that I had to give in to the requests of other students to use the facilities in UPM at the time of their preferences. Thus, the only possible way for me to complete the job was to start work as early as 6.30 a.m. and rush to UPM right after for the secondary processes. I know, how rajin right?
I've yet to cross out Study for Automation & Robotics Test and Find Information on Micro Hydro from my to-do list. To tell you the truth, the thought of procrastinating had occurred but once along the way. But that was before I realized it's already Friday today! Haha... Lepas tu boleh pulak terlupa ada assignment for Automation & Robotics. Fantastic ain't it!
Ok, enough with the whining... At least I've already completed most of the work. And I still had my fair share of leisure. Boleh la tu, dapat beli baju sehelai for next week's Graduation Night.... I'm sure it will be a memorable event. Unfortunately this bloke doesn't have a date... Anyone? Haha... Well, stay tuned for the recap of the night! Chiow...