Only in the state of solitary have I begun to wonder, of how solemn life has turned out to be. Every step that I take, every move that I commit, would all bring about consequences. And I'm growing scared by the second. Things aren't as clear as they used to be, no, not like before. Maybe once they had all seem so clear, the time when I was able to distinguish the horizon so certainly. It might have been a delusion encouraged by a young mind, but at least it was filled with passion. Now that I've grown older, and now that everything seems to be at stake, that flame of enthusiasm has grown much, much dimmer.
It seems like everyone's counting on me, to always do the right thing. I'm suffocating in between these constraints, rarely being able to make mistakes of my own. I take pride in doing good, but at the same time a part of me has always wondered, the possibility of learning something more valuable with each wrong that I've skipped. Sometimes people praise me for what I'm not, and out of fear I tend to lead them to that idea of the ideal Irfan that they've preordained. Have I made a mistake? Have I missed out on a lot? Did my sacrifices bring some good, to others at least? I wonder...
3 comments:
irfan, certain things in life its better for you just to be what you are and dont question the consequences much. you will end up hurting yourself if you wonder too much. i have gone through the phase. sometimes we may think that its people perceptions that concerns a lot, but as long as i know, enjoy what you are doing the best and be yourself most of the time, you will end up getting good things! anyways congrats on your masters degree admission! and have fun in life! damn i am still keeping the novel i borrowed from you. send me your address and i will parcel it to you!=) lolz!
I think it's best to let live. Be it in whatever way because in the end; what you decide to do in a certain situation will end up being the best decision you can make at that moment. For that, just make the most of it. I'm sure deep down, you already know what to do, it's just that you don't know it yet.
Sit back and relax. Enjoy every random moments there are out there. Responsibilities will always be around. It's how you go about it that makes it the best time of your life or just some typical cycle.
Congrats again!
sanjay: thanx for the advice. i know what u mean. but sometimes it's hard to go about changing the way i am, since i've been pretty much stagnant all this while.
anyways, dun worry la! just keep the book. n thanx for the wish...
cooperchick: haha. ok, just had to. random like last evening u mean? yea, it's only with certain ppl i'm able to let loose. super random! haha.
n thanx for the wish! gila kecut semlm tgk results... haha.
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