Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Last Battle

Tomorrow would be the first day of my last semester in Uniten, the beginning of the end. I guess time really flies. I can still remember the beginning of my years here in uni, when everyone was all so excited about the intriguing varsity life ahead. Friendship grew among strangers, just like that. Everything was new, and we were all enjoying every new bit of experience we had come across. I can even remember the first day of school, when KN and I got lost trying to find a particular building. And so he randomly went up to this girl (we know now that her name is Mushira), to ask for directions. Haha, I guess back then everyone was a new friend...

The "TAKDIR" Gang

Well, I better get myself prepped up for the semester ahead. Another round of the roller-coaster ride of stress and fun, sad and joy... Wish me luck people, it's going to be my last battle. Mum and Dad, I'll try to do my very best... InsyaAllah

Note: Apparently I didn't screw up my turbomachinery that badly after all! Alhamdulillah...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Run Baby Run

Often when I'm stuck in a situation where I know that I'm bound to hurt someone, I run away. I wonder if it's becoming a trend for me. Maybe I'm starting to doubt myself, the extent to which I'm capable of making someone happy. Or maybe I'm just scared of being disappointed, some would say I'm so simple that I'm difficult.

Over the past few years I can say that being in a relationship has never worked well for me. Actually I don't mind the idea of being single. In fact most of the time I'm happier this way, not having to worry about attending to the emotions of a partner. I admit, sometimes it's nice to have a companion to share affections. But when things get tangled up between her wants and my responsibilities, that's when the whole idea seems like a nuisance.

Maybe I'm no good with relationships now. But secretly I'm hoping that the right girl would come along the way to prove me wrong, to show me what it really means. I'm so worried about becoming the saviour for everyone else, maybe I'm the one who actually needs one...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Melayu Kini

"Takkan Melayu hilang di dunia"... satu ungkapan yang popular dan biasa kita dengari, asalnya daripada kata-kata pahlawan Melayu termasyhur kita, Laksamana Hang Tuah. Satu ungkapan yang melambangkan kemasyhuran dan kegemilangan bangsa Melayu sebagai penghuni usul tanah air ini. Melayu, satu bangsa yang tidak akan kalah atau mundur.

Tapi apa pula kata Tun Dr. Mahathir? "Melayu mudah lupa"... satu sindiran yang sepatutnya telah membuka mata anak bangsa kita untuk mula berusaha dengan lebih gigih demi mencapai kemajuan. Namun, segolongan besar daripada kita masih lagi mengendahkan kata-kata tersebut. Sedih apabila ku lihat anak-anak muda kita suka membuang masa. Juga mereka yang enggan berusaha untuk memperbaiki diri, dan mereka yang tidak menghargai kesenangan yang ada. Kemungkinan besar mereka tidak sedar yang ia adalah satu tanggungjawab atau satu amanah untuk kita terus berusaha ke arah kemajuan, dan bukannya satu keistimewaan. Melayu kini sudah lupa, dan kita mula tenggelam dalam angan-angan kita sendiri. Tidak ada gunanya walau segala keistimewaan diberikan kepada bangsa kita, kalau kita sendiri enggan menukar mentaliti kita.

Who Was Right & Who Was Wrong?

When I was a kid, I used to love reading the tales of our (Malay) legendary warriors, one particularly being the folk story of Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat. I was watching this story of Hang Tuah last night, with the legendary hero played by P. Ramlee, and suddenly the memories of my childhood came rushing back.

When I first read about the legend, like every other kid who did, I idolized Tuah for being the ultimate champion of Malay loyalty, chivalry and obedience to tradition. Tuah represented that absolute loyalty - and the streak of loyalty to the ruler that ran deep in the Malay psyche. If there were three things important to the Malay of old, they were loyalty to the ruler, loyalty to the religion and 'adat', and the accompanying sets of values that come with them. However later on I began to understand Jebat a bit better, his sacrifice to fight injustice and cruelty. To others, Jebat may represent that consequence of breaching a fragile covenant, to me he was simply misunderstood.

Tuah might be the hero of many, for having portrayed the absolute loyalty to his ruler. But in reality, like the flaws reflected by the actions of Jebat, his actions were also actually far from idealistic.

Tuah took loyalty to the point of blind servility, a trade I have never agreed with. According to the Hikayat Hang Tuah, even before the incident where the Sultan had ordered his execution, there was an occasion where Tuah was actually exiled by the Sultan to Inderapura. There Tuah took it upon himself to kidnap Tun Teja Menggala, the Bendahara's daughter, knowing that the Sultan lusted after her. Through bribes and deceptions, he succeeded in bringing Tun Teja to Melaka and presented her to his ruler. The Sultan was so pleased, he pardoned Tuah and promoted him to the rank of Laksmana. His loyalty to his Sultan evidently superseded any ethical considerations. Nonetheless, he was my hero for his absolute obedience, and for always trying to do the the right thing, even if it meant going against his own will.

To me, Jebat is the symbol of true friendship, courage and justice. He stood against a ruler who practiced injustice and cruelty, to avenge the death of his dearest friend. The flaw to his noble intention was reflected when he went in a rampage at the royal palace, in anguish to the injustice done to his friend. He later found out that Tuah was still alive, but the joy at seeing his dearest friend brought to life turned to despair when his friend lunged at him with a keris, declaring his loyalty to the Sultan and hatred for traitors. In the ensuing clash, Jebat was wounded by Tuah. He later went amok for three days, killing thousands of innocent people until he finally died in Tuah's arms. Of course it would be absurd for me to think that it was right for him to slaughter innocent people, but perhaps he was raging over the fact that the sole reason for his treachery, had turned against him.

So who was right, and who was wrong?

Monday, November 17, 2008

My All New Subaru Blue Room

Oh boy! Feels like my spine is about to fracture into a million pieces! My limbs are literally dangling right now. I just finished painting every nook and cranny of my room... all on my own! Who would've thought that such a tiny room would require that much work...

Started cleaning my "after-tornado" room at noon yesterday, took half a day just to clear up all the mess. The bed, the book shelves, and the work desk had all been moved about to give more space for the "special operation" =P. Painting begun at 11.00p.m. and I retired at around 2.00 a.m. That was just for 1 and a half walls! Woke up at 10.00 this morning and went straight to work after a bath and a breakfast. Guess what time I finished everything... 8.00p.m.! Gave up on the cleaning as I can hardly move... So I guess that will have to wait till tomorrow morning! =D

Here's my all new "Subaru Blue" room...

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Jackass Club

If you happen to be a male, welcome to The Jackass Club! Each and every one of us is a jackass by default. Trust me, no matter how hard you try to be the sweetest thing to your better half, or try to do things the most righteous of ways, at the end of the day if things don't turn out the way she had hoped, you'll always end up as the jackass!

I admit I've done plenty of wrongs in the past, I was a foolish kid who lacked maturity. But I believe I've grown much wiser ever since, and I've tried to always look before I leap. I can't afford to face the consequences of big mistakes anymore, not at the expense of my responsibilities. But somehow most of my recent encounters with the opposite sex ended up with me being the jackass! WHY??? I haven't the slightest of idea...

Due to the repercussions that I'm not willing to face, I have decided to exclude the examples of the situations. But keep in mind that everything I did for you (the people who in any way have been involved with me), I did it out of sincerity. And I never meant to hurt or displease anybody. In fact all I've done was try to do the right thing and make you happy. But I guess when God says I have to be wrong, then I have to be wrong...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Screwed Sideways by Turbomachinery

My turbomachinery paper yesterday screwed me up pretty badly. It wasn't as smooth as I previously thought it would be. Actually the paper wasn't all that tough, but because we all had only so much exposure on answering such questions, it turned out to be a disaster. If that weren't bad enough, I managed to add on some silly mistakes here and there! Damn it!

The part that kills me is that some of my mates had gotten a bit luckier than I had, despite the fact that they rarely studied. And to top that off, I was the one who helped them with the subject before! Icing on the cake, just perfect...


It's ok, I'm going to look at this as half glass full. I've always believed that one measure of a man is how he bounces back from failures. I'll keep on burning the midnight oil if I have to. I guess some of us who weren't born with genius brains have to work harder as a substitute.

p/s: Ayah, please don't be mad if I don't score ya? =P